Becoming A Hollow Bone

The Shaping of a Muse

2009-12-30T15:01:00.000-08:00

In writing group last night our prompt was to give our muse form and substance in our minds, so we can draw them to us as we need. Here's how mine came out. The concept was based on Melissa R's discussion of Elizabeth Gilbert's TED Talk called How to Follow Your Muse. I've only heard about the talk from Melissa ... but I'm looking forward to it!

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O for a Muse of fire, that would ascend the brightest heaven of invention ...
That's what Shakespeare wrote, in Henry V.

My muse is more fluid than fiery, more embracing that the flickers of flames burning a soul or scorching it with a heat so intense that there is nothing left at the end. No, my muse is comforting like an embrace, and yet honest ... honest enough to tell me to get my ass to the computer, or away from surfing the web. Honest enough to give me deadlines and generous enough to help me meet them.

She is warm, yes, but she is like sunlight through the leaves, dappling the ground; there for a short time between rain showers, or while the sun sits between that roof peak and that treetop. She teaches through loss as quickly as she teaches by perseverance, for the inspiration-- in-spiration (en spiritus, with or to be filled with spirit) comes and quickly goes ... and the perfect phrase or word or image will not stay locked fast in the mind indefinitely. A half an hour at the most.

She's like a morning fog or a gossamer cloud, here then gone ... but always around the corner of my mind, coming if I take time for her, quietly sitting, tempting her out with ripe words and luscious syllables on a page made ready just for her. And then slowly, shyly she scoots from among the harsher gutturals to smile, to step with dainty tread, to give me a bit of magic, a bit of wonder, a transition between here and there, or even, rarely, something perfect.

But what does she look like? How does one describe spirit? I my mind she keeps company with Bear and Snake and my Ancestors; she is ephemeral and real; she is like the dryad with her tree ... though I suppose I am the tree. How does she have her voice heard if I will not write it? How will the world know of her cleverness, of her wonder and glory if I do not put pen to page or fingers to keyboard?

My ingenious genius! We are collaborators, she and I, and like any partnership, we have good moments, and moments when my hearing is impaired, when I am distracted. We have times apart, and always it takes us long hours spent in each others company to have the sweet rapport healed, to have the flow restored ... and then, bliss. Agony and bliss, as all my best writing is.

Oh, save your Muse of fire! My muse is part desire and part wild, and she wills my words into the world.

She is my ally, and the keeper of my sanity and joy. Without writing, without words, I am not Katherine. I am not whole.

Prayer for Kinship with All Life

2009-09-20T10:05:00.000-07:00

Hear me, four quarters of the world--a relative am I!
Give me the strength to walk the soft earth,
a relative to all that is!
Give me the eyes to see and the strength to understand
that I may be like you . . .
Great Spirit, Great Spirit, My Grandfather,
all over the earth the faces of living things are all alike.
With tenderness have these come up out of the ground.
Look upon these faces of children without number
and with children in their arms
that they may face the winds and walk the good road
to the day of quiet.

-- Black Elk

Autumnal Equinox

2009-09-16T13:31:00.000-07:00

I've always been fond of Solstices and Equinoxes. They mark the seasons, the changes to the sunlight through the days and, sometimes, my birthday. This year, the autumnal equinox will be on Sept. 22nd (next year, it will be on the 23rd), and it marks the the time when the lengths of day and night are perfectly balanced.

Throughout the ages there have been many different ways to celebrate this particular equinox regardless of belief system. Most have to do with the celebration of the harvest, and cleaning up old issues that are outstanding, the rendering of accounts, readying the fields for the next cycle, life and death, unity, sacrifice and, of course, balance in all aspects of life.

All cultures take part in Equinox celebrations. Here are some examples, taken from You Grow, Girl:

First Nations peoples have held harvest festivals in North American for thousands of years. In the States and Canada holidays like Thanksgiving came to the New World along with the first Europeans. European harvest festivals originated from pagan celebrations like Mabon, the pagan Celtic festival held on the Equinox.

Fall fairs, another tradition in North America, began in Europe as trading meets held in the days after harvest.

Todays' celebrations find a place for many crops that are historical symbols of autumn: sheaves of corn and wheat, grapes and wine, gourds, dried leaves, rattles, horns of plenty, seeds and nuts, apple cider, squash, pumpkins.

The first jack-o-lanterns were hollowed out turnips with candles inside.

According to the Smithsonian Institute, "Most of the credit for the establishment of an annual Thanksgiving holiday may be given to Sarah Josepha Hale. Editor of Ladies Magazine and Godey's Lady's Book, she began to agitate for such a day in 1827 by printing articles in the magazines. She also published stories and recipes, and wrote scores of letters to governors, senators and presidents." On October 3, 1863, President Lincoln proclaimed the new American holiday of Thanksgiving.

In Japan, Autumn Equinox Day is a national holiday marking the change of seasons and paying respects to the dead.

German peasants at one time broke the first straws of hay harvested and said "This is food for the dead."

Buddists celebrate equality on the equinox, the time of the year when day and night are of equal length.

Moon cakes are the traditional food of harvest and thanksgiving festivals held in Korea.

The first Thanksgiving service known to be held by Europeans in North America was in Newfoundland on May 27, 1578.

In England, the last sheaf of corn harvested represented the 'spirit of the field'. It was made into a doll. Corn dolls were drenched with water representing rain or burned to represent the death of the grain spirit. At other times they were kept until the following spring.

The Polish Feast of Greenery involves bringing bouquets and foods for blessing by a priest, then using them for medicine or keeping them until the following years harvest.

The Roman celebration was dedicated to Pomona, goddess of fruits and growing things.

Do you celebrate the Equinox, and if so, how? I'd love to know!

Landscaping for Native Songbirds

2009-08-29T10:28:00.001-07:00

Found THIS link about landscaping/gardening to increase and protect the native songbirds in the Greater Seattle area. Wanted to share.

Also, if you're interested in planting trees in your area, or learning which native species are needing a boost, the City of Seattle's re-Leaf program is a good place to start.

Feathers

2009-08-28T16:19:00.000-07:00

My Circle has some avid feather collectors who actively seek them out, and some collectors who do so because of serendipity and happenstance more than any active desire to gather. Feathers fall at their feet, literally. I don't know that I'm avid or flowing with serendipity, I just know that I'm starting to have a collection, and I don't know much what to do with them.

The obvious answer, if you're in training to become a shaman, is to make a Medicine item with them. But ... how do you do that, and how do you protect the feathers themselves from degradation from time and use? Even birds ditch their feathers because of the time of year or because they need new ones, so how do we keep their tossed feathers or entire wings, clean and tidy? Where do you start?

Google, of course. Asking friends and allies and elders.

I did all of the above, and found tons of information that was completely contradictory (usually coming from oral references). What we need is, yes, another workshop from an authoritative source. Until that comes along ... Google it is.

One of the best sites I've found so far is HERE at nativetech.org They recommend getting rid of the mites that live on feathers with spray or mothballs, then washing the feathers with something like Woolite to restore the natural oils and keep them clean. Air-drying (or blow-drying on cool and low) while preening them helps the feathers' fletching to snap back to shape.

So that's care and feeding of the feathers ... but now, what to do with them? I plan on making a couple of smudging fans with the feathers I've collected from my chickens (there's some good Medicine for the home and comfort around chickens). But how? I have no idea yet. I'm not the best crafts person in the world, but I have all the tools i.e. hide, sinew, fabric, wood, a saw, scissors, padding if needed, etc. I just have to figure out the actual construction. Beyond that ... nope, I have no idea what to do with them, except, perhaps, put them in Medicine bags if they're small enough and Spirit moves me, or affixed to dream catchers (which I don't yet know how to make).

I'd love to hear what others are doing with their feathers garnered over time and distance. Do you create with them, or put them in a box, or put them on display or or or ...?

Words to the wise, if you are not a registered Native American who has a permit for such, it's illegal to possess any raptor feathers. See THIS link for more info on what is legal and what is not.

Also, identifying feathers is sometimes difficult if you're picking up one single feather from the ground. THIS site, while by no means extensive, gives you something to compare them to. It's fairly thorough with what they have, and they're adding to their database all the time.

The Burke Museum's Ornithology Department has some great info re birds in the Seattle area. THIS is their Q&A page.

Passages Within and Without

2009-08-01T08:31:00.000-07:00

It has been just over a month since the initiation retreat, and I feel as if I am slowly settling into myself again. Rites of passage tend to stir up the depths in a soul, or so it has been the case for me, and while I've been aware of what's moving around in the top layers, I've been constantly surprised at what wants to be noticed from deeper down. Just as I think I've come into some sort of balance with one aspect, another rises to the top to be acknowledged and addressed.

Well, that's one of the reasons we go to these things, isn't it? To be cracked wide open and to become aware? To let some light and air into the places which need love and attention? To heal? To grow? To come into our power as individuals and as members of a much larger group? To support one another in the process of learning and living?

It was a long weekend. A challenging, wonderful, hard, exhausting, beautiful weekend full of some of the most beautiful-hearted, wondrous-spirited people in the world.

And the journey continues on. Just because we made it to the mile marker doesn't mean we are finished. Even those who will not be joining the Second Year Circle still received their new names, their new maps, their new challenges. The best part is, we don't have to journey alone. If there's nothing else we learned this year, it was this. No one is alone.

It's been a good year. I've been blessed.

Animal Parts Store Field Trip

2009-07-02T09:08:00.000-07:00

Centralia Fur & Hide
2012 Gallagher Road
Centralia, WA 98531 USA
Phone# 877-736-2525
Fax# 360-330-5992
Email: info@furandhide.com

Directions:
Take the exit onto I-5 S (About 1 hour 10 mins) go 71.4 mi

Take exit 82 for Harrison Ave toward Factory Outlet Way go 0.3 mi

Turn right at Harrison Ave (About 2 mins) go 0.8 mi

Turn left at Galvin Rd (About 2 mins) go 0.8 mi

Turn right at Gallagher Rd go 0.2 mi

The End of the First Year

2009-06-21T16:14:00.000-07:00

The last official day of my first year of instruction in Shamanism was last week. We still have a sweatlodge to do on Thursday followed by an initiation retreat in Idaho Friday through Sunday. And can I say, I'm about done for now.

I know that's not how it works, as there's no such thing as "done", but man, I feel as if the Universe is kicking my ass. All kicking is kindly meant, sure, but still it tends wears a body out. If it wasn't for the deeply held belief that we can take on anything set in front of us, I think I'd hang my head and throw in the towel, at least on growth, at least for now.

The entire year has been a journey, a spirit quest, hanblecya; a process of bringing us home to ourselves, of discovering our life dreams, and the beginnings of our medicine ways. And to do that, we've had to be willing to work on our shit, the stuff that we all have, the old injuries which need healing, the old bad patterns of behavior which serve no one, etc. This whole year, especially from the last sweatlodge in January through now, has been about unearthing these spirit-eating zombies from our minds and hearts and bodies, and laying them to rest once and for all.

Okay, I'd like to say that's how it's happening, that its once and for all, but who am I kidding? We all know it's an ongoing process. And just when I think I'm getting some sort of handle on it, I get a reminder that I'm nowhere as far along as I'd like to think. Hubris. Yep. I'm starting to understand why Pride is one of the Seven Deadlies. Pride tends to make us unobservant, our own perceived brilliance tends to get in the way of seeing everything else. At least that's how it works for me. Time to slow down, and really see.

Of course, that leads to one of the hardest lessons for me to learn; the one of forgiving myself and moving on after I've screwed up. As someone in my Circle said, "We need to be kind to ourselves, because we're doing the best we can." And she's right. We all of us, you and me and everyone I know, we are doing the best we can with the tools we have at the time. Sometimes we fuck up, and even then there's always there's the learning.

In some ways, I'm very much looking forward to the initiation. It caps a years worth of hard work, for one, and gives me a milestone to measure by. I'll also get to see the lovely people from my Circle again, some for the last time, as not all of us will be going on to Second Year. Third ... I want to know what it's about, and I want to be able to simply let expectations go. There's a relief in not holding any sort of expectation, it makes the world a more interesting place when I'm not bogged down by what I think should happen.

Much of what I have been writing over the last nine months has been posted here, and it's been a fair sampling of where my mind's been during this process. For my cumulative project, I had some of the writings bound along with photos I've been taking. If you're interested, the link is over on the sideboard. ----> Thatta way. The book is expensive (even I know that) for its size, but there are some good pieces in it, and I'm proud of having learned the process.

Over the summer, I have some projects I want to get done; continuing with the writing of a novel with a friend of mine. The making of a couple medicine bags. The making of another rattle. Reading a few novels, watching a few movies, all the things I feel I haven't really had time to do since September. We'll see if July and August grant me that time. I hope they do.

And that's all the news that's fit to print. More updates as they come!

Flow

2009-05-20T14:26:00.000-07:00

There is a moment,
As the wind-chased storm clouds
fly across the shimmering sun,
when expectations are revealed as fantasies.

When the tenuous edge between
clear morning and sullen darkness
draws the curtain from what might be …
if only one could stop needing things just so.

Freedom, wild and breathless, rides the coattails
of the clouds when they are as welcome as the sunshine,
when ever-mutable, ever-present transition is savored
as delicious, delicate unknowing.

Little Brown Bird

2009-05-20T12:55:00.000-07:00

What does he teach, the small brown bird
With his brilliantly unhurried singing,
Greeting each morning the same, as if the mere fact of being
is enough to shatter his heart with joy.

What message is held in his persistence?
As if his song were an office of the day, and he,
Sweetly secular bird was as holy as the angels
As he is. As he is.

Oh, that I may rise each morning
With such fervor and delight
That my voice, like his, is pure love
extolling the new day.

Be open, he tells me, to all that comes –
Seeds and life, sunshine and puddles.
Sing for the possibilities with an open heart,
Yes! he cries to all. Yes! Life is his joy.

Yesterday's Message from the Universe

2009-05-13T10:24:00.000-07:00

This is so awesome, I had to post it somewhere I'd see it again ...

Act with faith, Katherine. Prepare the way for your inevitable success. To the degree you can, behave as if your dreams have already come true, as if you already owned a glorious freedom in which to write, as if later today you were going to believe in the openess and glory of love. And you shall see the power you wield as the floodgates begin to tremble, the elements begin to conspire, people in your life begin to change, insights are summoned, comprehensions soar, and clarity is born.

Not to mention fierce, wild animals laying down when you pass by -
The Universe

Primordial Ooze

2009-04-21T11:43:00.000-07:00

Not many posts of late, primarily because I've been processing ... or integrating ... or, as we commonly refer to it, "working on my shit."

I've only had an opportunity to attend Circle once in the last five weeks, due to situations beyond my control for one week, and there being no Circle to attend in the other three weeks. In a way, it's been good. It's given me a chance to process all the gradu that's been stirred up since our initiatory sweat lodge in January, and man has there been a lot. Who knew?

It's like looking into a prehistoric pool of bubbling primordial ooze ... that's my brain and body right now. I'm just waiting to see what will emerge. It could be the Creature from the Black Lagoon, or it might be a more complete me. I like to think of this process as a spiritual/psychological sauna or mudbath. We bake and bubble, steam and stretch, then cool off for a while before the whole process begins again.

The fact is, we only have eight classes left before we've completed our year. That's it. Sweet snap! And I know we have a lot of intense stuff to cover yet. Like our introductions to Soul Retrievals. Whoosh.

I have noticed that this emerging from the ooze coincides with the Spring returning, and the advent of sunshine that can be felt as well as seen. Spring and Summer are my two favorite seasons, and I feel just like our apple trees ... the sap is flowing again, and I can leaf with abandon.

It feels good. It feels needed. It feels freeingly safe even if challenging.

Aaaaaaaah.

Walking the Labyrinth

2009-03-10T11:36:00.000-07:00

"Your life is a sacred journey. And it is about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation, continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous challenges at every step along the way. You are on the path... exactly where you are meant to be right now... And from here, you can only go forward, shaping your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing of courage, of beauty, of wisdom, of power, of dignity, and of love." -- Caroline Adams

The following is taken from The Labyrinth

We are all on the path... exactly where we need to be. The labyrinth is a model of that path.

A labyrinth is an ancient symbol that relates to wholeness. It combines the imagery of the circle and the spiral into a meandering but purposeful path. The Labyrinth represents a journey to our own center and back again out into the world. Labyrinths have long been used as meditation and prayer tools.

A labyrinth is an archetype with which we can have a direct experience. We can walk it. It is a metaphor for life's journey. It is a symbol that creates a sacred space and place and takes us out of our ego to "That Which Is Within."

Labyrinths and mazes have often been confused. When most people hear of a labyrinth they think of a maze. A labyrinth is not a maze. A maze is like a puzzle to be solved. It has twists, turns, and blind alleys. It is a left brain task that requires logical, sequential, analytical activity to find the correct path into the maze and out.

A labyrinth has only one path. It is unicursal. The way in is the way out. There are no blind alleys. The path leads you on a circuitous path to the center and out again.

A labyrinth is a right brain task. It involves intuition, creativity, and imagery. With a maze many choices must be made and an active mind is needed to solve the problem of finding the center.

With a labyrinth there is only one choice to be made. The choice is to enter or not. A more passive, receptive mindset is needed. The choice is whether or not to walk a spiritual path.

At its most basic level the labyrinth is a metaphor for the journey to the center of your deepest self and back out into the world with a broadened understanding of who you are.

There is no right way to walk a labyrinth.

You only have to enter and follow the path. However, your walk can encompass a variety of attitudes. It may be joyous or somber. It might be thoughtful or prayerful. You may use it as a walking meditation.

Adults are often serious in the labyrinth. Children most often run in and out as fast as they can in a playful manner.

When you walk a labyrinth choose your attitude. From time to time choose a different attitude. Make it serious, prayerful, or playful. Play music or sing. Pray out loud. Walk alone and with a crowd. Notice the sky. Listen to the sounds. Most of all pay attention to your experience.

Some general guidelines for walking a labyrinth are:

1. Focus: Pause and wait at the entrance. Become quiet and centered. Give acknowledgment through a bow, nod, or other gesture and then enter.

2. Experience: Walk purposefully. Observe the process. When you reach the center, stay there and focus several moments. Leave when it seems appropriate. Be attentive on the way out.

3. Exit: Turn and face the entrance. Give an acknowledgement of ending, such as "Amen."

4. Reflect: After walking the labyrinth reflect back on your experience. Use journaling or drawing to capture your experience.

5. Walk often.

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The Labyrinth Walk: March 15, 2009

The Chinook Center of the Whidbey Institute
6449 Old Pietila Rd. Clinton, WA 98236

They write, "The Labyrinth is nestled in a meadow at the heart of the Sacred Ridge. The Labyrinth is available for you to walk anytime. See Labyrinth brochure for further information."

In the past, I have brought small items to leave at the heart of the labyrinth, if it feels appropriate: a slip of paper with a prayer or a need or a gift written on it, a stone, a feather. I also bring a small amount of money to give-away to the Chinook Center for their generous gift of the labyrinth itself.

From I-5 Northbound:
• Take exit 182 to merge onto WA-525 N toward WA-99 N 6.4 mi
• Slight left at Mukilteo Speedway/WA-525 3.0 mi
• Take the Mukilteo-Clinton ferry to Clinton 2.9 mi
• Continue straight onto WA-525 1.9 mi
• Turn left at Campbell Rd 1.0 mi
• Turn left at Old Pietila Rd 0.2 mi

Ferry times located at Washington State Ferries

Fares
$11.55 per car and driver
$6.75 per passenger

Homework. A Work In Progress

2009-02-25T22:36:00.000-08:00

A young man was buried today
amid the frosted grass and early, empty sky.
There was only one mourner –
unless you count the birds
gathered high in the branches
lending their slow, trilling heartsongs to the brightening air,
or the willow and the locust trees
who held space, solemn and sacred,
or the sweet, waking earth upon which he was laid.

Honored and hushed, death was sung,
prayers sent beyond, carried in melody and pearl smoke
to mingle with the birdsong and, at some point,
as water slips effortlessly from the shore,
his spirit slipped from his body.
No longer having use for such trappings as
sinew and bone, or even thick, lush fur
the color of a sullen sky,
he left it behind for other things;
Silvery glimmers of light and promise.

An empty vessel, broken and discarded
returned to the fragrant, turned earth,
while a roughened voice lamented with
grief and praise, which are often the same song,
and some simple notes of pure gratitude,
while the burnished ivory sun climbed above
the sentinel trees.

There were crocuses under the willow then
blooming in a soft, sudden cloud
of purple and white and saffron brilliance
unnoticed before, as was the tender
growth of the red dogwood,
and the robin, by whose humble presence
winter is banished for a time.

Endings and beginnings dance through lifetimes,
as if hand-fasted lovers,
creating a grace of possibility between them.
Open hand with open heart;
incarnations of graciousness.
This was the lesson from the young man,
who had come, after all, in his seeming of death
only to teach.

Guerrilla Shamanism

2009-02-24T20:04:00.000-08:00

... or How Spirit Has Been Working My Butt Off!

These last two weeks have been intense in the learning and the processing of what is learned. Two weeks? The whole last month, really.

First we had our initiation Sweat Lodge, the second most sacred rite of Native American tradition. The same night, we experienced the first most sacred rite, the chanupa ceremony (the pipe). And there was the week leading up to all that as well, which was profoundly draining. I'm surprised I managed to do anything constructive at work at all, because my brain was so not on things like processing contracts or talking to people about their catering.

Fell asleep that next day, Friday, at 7 PM. On Saturday was a Medicine Bag Intensive. And our teacher wasn't kidding about the "intense" part of it. The entire day was spent in learning about the traditions and actualities of medicine bags, as well as being in prayer and celebration for the gifts which were given to us in the hide of the horse we used, in the clay of the beads, in the feathers, in the herbs ... everything was a prayer. I came home exhausted again.

So, for two weeks I processed and processed. And then we had the first part of the Drum and Rattle Making Workshop. Hot dog!! It was sweetastic!! To say I loved it would be to fall short of the experience. Making a drum was as wonderful as writing a poem that you love, or watching your kids grow up, or seeing the flickers return to your trees for the third straight year. It was magical.

In Native traditions, creating a drum is creating a new life with a new voice all its own. It is a spirit who sings, will protect you, teach you, and be a wisdom voice for you. A well-made and well-cared for drum will last for a couple hundred years ... it truly is a life and one that you gift to your decedents.

And my new drum is beautiful. She has the most mellow, round voice. Made of horsehide over a reclaimed cedar frame and stretched with elk lacings, she is dark and looks rather like Jupiter. Seriously, she looks like the images of Jupiter, including the big spot to one side. Just gorgeous.

The rattles were harder to make. Who knew? There is a lot of stitching involved, and my skills at neatly sewing two pieces of wet rawhide together with sinew ain't the best in the world. There's a definite art to it, and I have a lot of practicing ahead of me. Despite that, I have a rattle shaped like a bear, and he's got a great sound to him. He is made of elk hide, and filled with the Three Sisters (squash seeds, beans and dried corn) as well as a few stones and beads whose energies I wanted to include. The rattle isn't perfect, but I love it, and I love that I made this tool that will help my work. It's good stuff, and my skills will only get better. As is said, if something is perfect, you have to give it back to Spirit. So ... my rattle is just as it's supposed to be.

Matilda, our teacher, said she'll be having a workshop soon for some of us to make buffalo hide drums, something not offered often. I'm very honored. I'm also honored that she and her drum circled sang for us, and invited us to come play with them. What a wonderful opportunity!! Unfortunately my Sundays are usually filled up with writing or gaming ... but that doesn't mean the chance won't come along later. Writing and gaming are important too.

In between the two weeks of drum and rattle making, I had my raccoon visitation. It went well ... he was a perfect gentleman for being dead. The next morning, I took him out to my front yard and buried him, as he wanted, with prayers and songs and burning sage and cedar. Tobacco was offered, and the birds caroled for us on that cold and beautiful morning. A good day for a burial. I gotta say though, you need a big, deep hole to bury a 'coon, and my body is still sore.

Somewhere in there, too, I had the chance to meet up with the women from last year's Journey Circle. Oh, on Valentine's Day! It was so good to see them all again! We had an amazingly tasty potluck, and then did a journey and did a bit of dream work. It was really good to reconnect with them after so long. Made my heart happy.

Yesterday, I did three intuitive readings as my homework for class. All very different, all excellent. There was a lot to learn about limitations for me, and the mundane process for doing such readings. Good stuff. But now I'm just plain ol' tired. Happy. Grateful. Delighted. Exhausted. As far as I know, though, I don't have any other workshops for a while ... though I can't vouch for readings, writings, journeys, drums, rattles or dead animals.

My life is wonderful. Seriously wonderful. Sometimes I think I am the luckiest woman on the planet.

Adventures in Urban Shamanism

2009-02-17T10:36:00.000-08:00

I have a dead raccoon in my car.

He was gifted to me by Spirit and his own desire, and so I gathered him from the side of the road on my way to work, wrapped him in muslin that I keep in the back for who knows what reason (I guess for wrapping dead animals), and laid him on a piece of plastic.

And tonight I'll pray over him and dream with him and see what he wants to tell me, and if he wants me to have some of his remains for Medicine.

This is the fourth time Raccoon has come to me since the week of my Sweat Lodge initiation, which means he's wanting to be a spirit guide to me. Yes ... I'm listening, Spirit.

Here is what the Medicine Cards, 2nd ed. say about my large, wonderful, furry guide:

"Raccoon is the Generous Protector.

Raccoon carries the totem medicine of the protector, more specifically, the protector of underdogs. Raccoon symbolizes the generous protection of providing for the young, infirm and elderly.

Often called "little bandit" this Robin Hood animal teaches us about generosity and caring for others. When Raccoon comes your way, you are being asked to contact your "inner warrior" -to become a protector and generous provider for those in need.

Raccoon medicine people have the uncanny ability to assist others without allowing them to become dependents.

Raccoon selflessly tends to the needs of the tribe, before taking anything for itself.

A troupe of Raccoons scouting for food is often a hilarious exercise in generosity. After selecting their favorite morsels of corn, Raccoons always give the best tidbits to their Lookout companion. He is always fed first by the raiders, to honor his vigilance as the group's protector. This uncommon lack of greed, this altruistic behavior is as rare in the world of humans as it is in the rest of the animal kingdom.

Raccoon teaches us the universal law of giving back to the source of your strength, guidance and protection. You are reminded, too, that benevolence and generosity always come full circle to reward the giver.

When Raccoon makes its presence in your life, the little bandit may be telling you to look around and see who needs your strength at this time. It may be time to share your energy with some less fortunate. But at the same time, Raccoon asks that you honor yourself, provide for your own needs so that you have enough power to give your energy generously."

A Week in Very Brief

2009-02-02T16:17:00.000-08:00

The last few weeks have been about processing, and so there hasn't been much verbalization, written or otherwise. Between Mercury retrograde stirring up old gradu that isn't yet taken care of, normal spiritwork from Circle, internal and external prep for our first sweat lodge/initiation, then the lodge itself, and a medicine bag intensive to wrap it all up, and I've been ... well, toast. With toast sauce. And toast on the side.

It's all been wonderfully good, if hard, but I'm just knackered. I'm hoping to write a few things, a few observations about the night of the lodge and the medicine bag teachings soon, but I think they have to settle in my being first. Like a new bottle of wine, it's all still raw. The experiences need to mellow a bit, to richen, to deepen. All the sediment needs to float to the bottom.

In the mean time, I realized that I have letters to write to my past mentors, thanking them for all the wisdom they've shared with me, wisdom that has allowed me to move on to now.

Things to do. Honors to give.

Inspiration

2009-01-20T13:16:00.000-08:00

Abba Lot went to see Abba Joseph and said to him, "Abba, as far as i can I say my little office, I fast a little, I pray and meditate, I live in peace and as far as I can, I purify my thoughts. What else can I do?" Then the old man stood up and stretched his hands toward the heaven. His fingers became like ten lamps of fire and he said to him, "If you will, you can become all flame."

-- From The Sayings of the Desert Fathers

Outside My Window

2009-01-18T09:57:00.000-08:00

Gossamer webbing
silken spiral of death and life
Spider weaves our tales

There's sunshine today!! And I'm going to be out in it! Glory be!!

Writing Workshop, Homework

2009-01-15T11:45:00.001-08:00

Spiritwork, as we call homework in Circle and in the writing workshop was ... challenging. But then, it's been a week of challenges, small internal pressures that push for change. I'm fine with change, but I feel as if I've been caught up in change at the speed of time-lapse photography. Fast track.

Still, the spiritwork was accomplished, and it was good to do. Stretched me a good deal in ways I didn't expect.

Part of the work was to write about our favorite flower for ten minutes, without noting the specific color or species. I knew what I wanted to write, but man, I sure didn't know how to write it, until I finally sat down to do it.

Here it is.

Along the road
dusty, dirty, pot-holed and weary
stands a simple glory
proud yet yielding
flowing with wind and rain
rejuvenated and rejuvenating
a hollow bone between earth and sky
a homage crowned in
colors of a dulcet evening
a twilight's gathering in the forest
in the hills
in the fields
on the roadsides.
Lacy multitudes
tiny trumpets of subtle difference
unique, perfect,
encompassing the pregnant possibilities
marked by midnight and humble simplicity

A lover's token, a friend's gift
a trade for milk between
an aged woman with her cow and
an young woman with gathered flowers in her hand
Sold for a kopek, bundled together
rough twine or silken strands of embroidery floss
A token rendered meaningful by heart and tradition

Around the river's bend
in the fields beyond, behold
a carpet of twilight!
Star-filled crowns nodding in the cool breeze of
the glassy ribbon winding slowly
between the gentle arms of its banks
An abundance of ease and nature
a king's bounty of royal hue
compassed by a humble man's rocky field
Delicate perseverance
Prolific abundance
Simple beauty
A testament of truth

Cornflowers
01.12.09

Magical Music

2009-01-15T11:26:00.000-08:00

I don't often pimp product, but this I will ...

There is an amazing musician out there, SJ Tucker. I was introduced to her wonderfully wild, pagan-themed music through a fund-raiser to help defray medical expenses for herself. Because I had some money, and because they're selling her music at wholesale, I thought ... what the heck! and picked up a couple of CDs at random.

OMG! She's so much more awesome than I could have hoped for! If we're talking about music as medicine and media as medicine, she's putting out some good, true and beautiful art in a good medicine way. The CD I'm currently listening to is Blessings, and I truly love it.

Miss Tucker and the band are still selling CDs at a discount, and I suggest grabbing up a couple of them, because they're well worth it. They're well worth it at standard CD price! Also, if you're interested, a group of phenom authors have compiled a book of short stories to sell, proceeds of which are also going toward the medical expenses. My fave, Neil Gaiman, is one of the contributors ... so yes, I had to put down my order for that as well.

Give SJ Tucker and the Travelling Fates a try. You'll be glad you did.

The link to their LJ blog and discount CDs is under Roots & Leaves. Right over there ----->

Writing Workshop, Pt. 3

2009-01-08T11:16:00.000-08:00

After taking a Journey to the North for a gift of healing, creativity and insight, we were to write "within that space" for fifteen minutes. Like my "teacher", the woman sitting across from me, we wrote about the journey itself, instead of writing from the place of the journey. We both looked up around the 13 minute mark and realized we weren't doing the assignment. When we got together after, we both laughed about it. It worked out great for us both!

What I wrote in the last two minutes follows. It really says all that needed to be said.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Elders

Wisdom
Life lived

I am a bowl to carry your stories forward
To hold them
That they may be sipped like fine wine -
essential
intoxicating
true

May this humble vessel serve you well.

Writing Workshop, Pt. 2

2009-01-08T11:03:00.000-08:00

We were given the word, skookum tumtum, which means "brave and loyal heart." Then we were asked to write, for fifteen minutes on it -- no stopping, no editing.

Here's what came from my pen.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Brave and loyal heart
heartsong of the warrior
heartsong of the healer
heartsong of the teacher
heartsong of the visionary

What songs do you sing in your daily living? What songs do you sing on your weary or joyful or spiritual roads? What song do you allow to be heard by the strangers passing by, your children as you do the laundry or make the dinner, or the one beside you as you lie in your lover's arms?

Brave and loyal heart, what do you whisper to yourself in the darkest of night and when the shadows gather with no relief?

Call on your Warrior! Stand for your songs, stand fo ryour voice, shtand for your authentic self! Brave and loyal heart, come into your own worth! Youa re loved -- you are worthy of all the good and true and lasting love the Universe showers down. Open your arms and recieve it.

Believe.

Brave and loyal heart, no longer will you be as a whipped dog chained to the side of an uncaring master. Rise. Know your freedom. Dance your joy. Heal the old wounds with spirit song and spirit dance and spirit flight.

Brave and loyal heart, I name you thus, my child, my worthy one, my future, my hope. What song will you sing? What song will you sing?

Sing love, sing truth, sing honorably, sing the all.

Brave and loyal heart, just write. Always the same message -- just write. The act of writing is your prayer and your words are your healing ...
not just for yourself
for your family,
for your community,
for your nation,
for the world,
for the all.

Brave and loyal heart, dance your destiny.

Writing Workshop

2009-01-08T10:54:00.000-08:00

It was my pleasure and honor to attend the first part of a two part writing workshop centering around healing, creativity and Spirit. Several "works" came out of it, and I wanted to post them here so I won't forget where I put them, as it were.

This first one is an invocation to Spirit and the Goddess of Creativity.

Deep and velvet
mystery unknowable
flow through
me
this pen
to paper
through mind
through heart
through soul
through body

Hollow bones we are
Hollow bone I am
Flow through like the deep waters
the slow roiling clouds
the shifting sands
the blood through the veins
the breath through the lungs
the spirit through all.

May my words bless you
May my pen's song honor you
May my breath extol you
May my love
May my love
May my love be for you a gift

May my love be as a gift freely given
It comes from You -
there is no love but what Spirit gives
May I return it to you freely -
Purely, passionately.
May my words, my breath, my pen, my life be love.

Thoughts About the Heart

2009-01-02T07:03:00.000-08:00

This morning, I was musing about the nature of the heart in spirituality, in daily living, and trying to reconcile the two opinions about it that I've been presented with in my education (first at a Christian college, and now in my training as a Shaman).

I will point out that these are merely thoughts and questions which were given to me, and represent nothing like solid scholarship. I have a good deal more musing to do about the subject, as well as some research to do.

In Shamanism, we are taught:

Trust your heart
It only gives three answers, ever
Yes. No. Maybe.
Ask it. Trust it.

I've never understood why those quoted in the Bible were so against the heart. What healing did they require to have a wound so bad that they would say such things?

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" That was Jeremiah for you, but there are others. Matthew has a similar passage in the New Testament as well.

What wounds bled inwardly until the whisperings of the heart were drown in pain and dismissal? The death of ideals? The hopelessness of being an occupied people? A belief that what happens in this life is dross compared to the life of heaven?

I have never been able to reconcile this idea, and have always felt that they were missing something, these recorders of the Word of God. Put your belief or trust or righteousness in Spirit, they say, and I agree (though righteousness is a loaded word for me) but ...

Spirit works through the heart and gut, as well as the mind. One body, one person, unified -- whole. How divided they must have been within themselves.

John knew the value of the heart, as did his mentor, friend and guide, Jesus. He knew the value of an integrated life ... the value of life itself. It's just too bad that the Hebrew God, as is written, is such a jealous god. Or is that what we've turned him into for the sake of our own polemics ... for the sake of control?

My version of God is bigger than that, and always has been; His/Her mansion has many rooms, and s/he has many messengers, many voices, many faces.

Creator-Creatrix
Mother-Father God
All that is
All that was
All that will be
All that is not ...
You are always welcome here. Aho.

What does your heart say?

Some Thoughs about Cycles

2009-01-01T22:02:00.000-08:00

I think the author of Ecclesiastes had it right, to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven. It becomes our path, then, as Shamans, to embrace the rhythm of each season, with every step dancing the spiral; the going out and the coming in. Do we know which rivers lay before us? No? It's been strongly suggested that there is nothing but to jump in and see! Swim open-hearted, float in the experience, sit with it ... learn.

The cycle, the circle, its nature is change, always. Motion, always. Interweaving, always. Dance, always. Even the dead would have us dance their change, their transformation, dance our grief, dance our love, honor everything that life throws at us. Birth, death, rebirth. Always the spiral, always the circle, always the coming around.

Dance the joyfulness of each and every season, and every purpose under heaven.

(Medicine Wheels, Wheels of Fortune, Death, the Magician/the Fool)

Message of Winter

2009-01-01T21:50:00.000-08:00

Turn inward
Turn inward and hear
Turn inward and hear your heart beat
Each splash of life in your chest
Each pulse against your ribs
Turn inward and hear your heart's dream breathing in time
To the blood surging
To the breath moving
To that which is life, that is life
Turn inward and hear your heart whisper
Sharing its joys and sorrows
Its loves and fears
Honor them all, hold them all
Gently, gently
Softly, kindly
Without assumption, meeting for the first time
Honor your heart's voice, its fragile murmurings
Past and future and the precious, luminous present
Turn inward and embrace the dark
The inviolate velvet mystery
The place where Spirit calls and soul responds
Turn inward and know, fully, unafraid
Turn inward and meet yourself
Love yourself
Be yourself
Turn inward, as the earth turns inward
As Winter spreads her cloak of quiet, calm and cold
Rest, she says. Rest and dream
So softly, dream
Turn inward and be
Turn inward

Incense of the Season

2008-12-17T09:20:00.000-08:00

Pine in the air
aromatics conjuring a time
of frankincense and myrrh
death-gifts given at a birth
prophecy abounds
like a star in the east

Were there fir trees in arid Bethlehem
or was the native cedar
balsam enough
hay, dust and dung
the ripe heat of oxen
a working land's smell
its perfume gracing
the infant, the Christ child

Humble beginnings for a
humble man
a hollow bone
bearing spirit
the message he brought
was love. Always love

His life was love
his gift was love
pure love, the
incense of this holy season
rising upward like
pine in the air

Lotus

2008-12-12T10:05:00.001-08:00

What does the lotus feel
as it unfolds
unfurls

does it ache with metamorphosis
or shy from revealing the
tender beauty of its heart

does it understand the subtle sublimity of
transmutation, altering weighty hardships
in an alchemy of glory

earth rooted, sky sheltered
floating in the clear, liquid moment
vulnerable, beautiful becoming.

Spiritwriting: Friday

2008-12-05T08:58:00.000-08:00

Every word is a blessing or a bane. What medicine do you bring to your people? Every action is a spell toward manifestation. Do you act in accordance with your deepest dreams; with the good, true and beautiful night dreams, day dreams and life dreams that is your destiny to bring forth? What would happen if today, just for today, every step you take is toward their creation -- in some way, toward their creation? How would that change your work? Your relationships with those around you? To yourself?

In the morning, ask yourself, "What shall I bring to life today?" And in the evening, ask yourself, "What manifested?" Even the small instances have meaning. Recognize the gratitude they instill. What was given to you to learn? What will you bring forward into the new day, into your tomorrow?

Every breath is intention.
Every step is a spell.
Every thought makes our world.

Day 12: Spirit Writing

2008-12-03T15:24:00.000-08:00

Off the Cliff

Trust. The cliff
The flight
The fall, the climb
The feel of wind
Rushing past, around, through
Pinions stretched wide
Open hearted
Learn to fly

Trust beyond misgivings
Thank your fear for
Protection, protection
I will keep you safe
It whispers, not understanding
safety kills
Life requires space to fall into
Fail better

The little dog at your heels
Nipping yipping says
Fly! Fly! Fly!
Slip the leash of the
Grave well of gravity
Strangling your muse, your mind, your heart
Let the wind flow through, you are
Buoyant with trust

Step off the cliff
Heart in throat, hammering
Learning wisdom in the roar of the wind
Surrounded by possibility
Leave fear on the edge
It only weighs you down
Feel the stretch, the ache, the joy
Pangs of growing wings

Delicious uncertainty.

Day 11: Spirit Writing

2008-12-03T15:21:00.000-08:00

"Where is Spirit found?
In the still, quiet spaces of the mind and heart?
In the crowds clamoring?

Wherever Spirit is sought, there it is.
Quiet is less distracting, yes, but only if the mind is serene as well.
Without the calm waters of thought, no solitude will suffice.
If you have that, no outward jumbling can keep you from finding the Center.
The All."

Quotation

2008-12-02T06:23:00.000-08:00

"Only in silence the word, only in dark the light, only in dying life: bright the hawk's flight on the empty sky." ~ Ursula K. LeGuin

Day 10: Spirit Writing

2008-12-01T12:19:00.000-08:00

The nature of rest.

How can you be a vibrant being if you wear yourself down by unconsidered choices. Spirit will give you all you need to do what is needed to be done ... needed to be a hollow bone. But you must meet It half way. Sleep at the appropriate time. Beware of toxins to your body. Drink water, for it is what you are made of. Care for the vessel your body is. You worked hard to get it, to inhabit it ... care for it with appreciation and wisdom. Just as it is.

Sleep. Pure foods. Movement. These will keep you vital.

Day 9: Spirit Writing

2008-12-01T12:09:00.000-08:00

Spider medicine, spider energy, spider webs and tales and maps of life. Interconnectivity. The world seen in spiraling, silken strands. Where are you in the weaving? Which line is yours? What do you connect to? Strong lines, smooth lines, frayed lines, broken lines -- a web's cycle is our cycle.

Like a spider, be patient when it is right to be patient, and bold when it is right to be bold. Spin your tapestry as best you can, for it is your life you create; it is nothing less than your life. What is it you are creating? What qualities do you weave into it? Is it good and true and lasting? Is it beautiful?

Be the teller of tales. Create patterns and beauty of structure and form.

Your children (ideas) will be many -- thousands, thousands; some will thrive and some will not, but all will have your wisdom, your medicine to give, to learn. Give birth to these ideas, these stories ... then let them go. A spider's life is a writer's life.

A spider's medicine is yours; three and three. Spin your life, tell your tales, connect the strands with the mastery of the spiral. It is all yours.

Spider medicine.

Three and three.

A Season of Gratitude

2008-12-01T12:01:00.000-08:00

Year after year, my holidays grow more and more mellow. They end up being full of friends, family (adoptive and genetic), food and fun ... and less about buying. The presents we get for Yule/Solstice (which I celebrate) and Christmas (which everyone else in the house celebrates) are becoming more simple, and tend to be things we really, truly want.

For Thanksgiving, I received one of the best presents of all: a holiday with my family that involved all of us just having a good time in each other's company. No judgments, no arguments, no sniping, no anything but companionship and fun. Oh yes, and food. Don't forget the food.

For this gift, I am very grateful. It's been at least 15 years since we've all been together. And to think I was worried about it. My teacher, Char, told the circle that all things can be solved through love and gratitude.

She was right.

To all who made it happen, Thank You.

Day 4: Spirit Writing

2008-11-25T10:55:00.000-08:00

Distractions! Abundant
insistent distractions are
mayflies, gadflies, horseflies
always biting always buzzing.
Where is the center of quiet calm?
Where is the pool of stillness?
Close the ways to the outside for
a thousand heartbeats.
Listen to what is within.
What rises to the surface?
What is holding space?
Whose voice is sharing wisdom?
Go deep, deeper, deepest until
the voice is clear.
Breathe. In the silence hear the
rush of blood through your veins,
the rhythm of your life.
Hear the ancestors
the spirits
the allies
the protectors.
Of Spirit.
Hear the the voices of the Wisdom Keepers
the Wisdom Givers
Be present with them in the
quiet stillness of your being.

Be
Breathe ... Be
Softly... Be
Still ... Be
Open ...
Be

Day 4: Spirit Writing

2008-11-24T22:02:00.000-08:00

" 'You are always welcome here ... '

You say that to the ancestors, the spirits of the four directions, your animals and allies. You say that to the Masculine and Feminine, to the Creator, the All. But the truth is ... you also need to welcome yourself; to bring yourself forward for the work with an attitude of cherishing yourself, your gifts, even as you cherish what the spirits give in this communion.

Even though you are to be a hollow bone, just a hollow little bone for Spirit, you are also bringing your gifts, talents and experiences as a part of that process. You bring your whole self to that embodiment, failures, stresses, insecurities, ugliness as well as all the beauty ... why would you bring anything forward for Spirit to use that you did not love? You have to love it all. Love the journey of becoming, no matter what you embody within that journey, rocks, briars, tar pits and crevasses included. That's all part of it. It's part of you.

You are a part of the Universe, you are a beloved of the Universe. You must learn to hold yourself as a beloved as well -- not with ego, but with honest, humble appreciation for the magical being you are. There is no one else like you in the whole of creation; learn to love the entirety of yourself just as you are right now. You are before Spirit now, and now is all that matters. You will be something different, for better or worse, tomorrow. Love what you are now.

The answer is always Love.

Love.

Love.

Say it to yourself ... You are welcome here."

[This stayed with me all day as I tried to encompass what it takes to love myself as Spirit loves me, and what that means for loving others. I think it boils down to Compassion, in the Buddhist sense of the word. When was the last time we had honest compassion for ourselves ... not just harsh thoughts or excuses?

Some of this echoes something another of my Circle members said in regard to understanding the people we have been in relation with ... the idea that everyone, ourselves included, are always in a state of change.

I'm still all agog at the concept of bringing before Spirit what we love, and that means us, too ... but why wouldn't we do just that? Seriously, why wouldn't we?]

Day 3: Spirit Writing

2008-11-23T09:01:00.000-08:00

Sunshine
Touch incandescent
Warming, healing, purifying
Radiant life from Father Sky
The vastness of all possibilities
Receive. Be illuminated by love.

Rain
A kiss of tears
Of Joy, of sorrow, of release, of All
A benediction upon the leaves
Run through the showers, play
With an open heart.

Wind
Cleansing, rejuvenating
Bringing change with its touch
Open your heart and let it enter
The framework of your soul
Sweetly, fiercely.

All the moods of the earth, of the sky have promise, have meaning. Learn from them. Learn the lessons big and small. Learn with renewed intimacy the turning of the seasons, and move with them in your own walking. The four Rivers call to you through them, through their changeable, unavoidable, uncontrollable nature -- through NATURE. Give blessings to this union between Earth and Sky, and receive the benediction of their touch in return.

Day 2: Spirit Writing

2008-11-22T09:51:00.000-08:00

" 'When I go ...'

What sort of Ancestor do you wish to be? Ask yourself this question every day, every morning upon arising. What sort of Ancestor will you be? What will you pass on to the next generation, unto seven generations down the line?

For this is your charge. This is your paternity. You are called to be wisdom keepers and wisdom givers, Elders, and Ancestors in your time. What you do now, what you do every day, every hour, every minute, every breath will inform the ages to come. Your choices matter. Always know that your choices matter. Hold this truth to your heart.

What gifts will you leave behind? What mystery will you leave to unfold? Understand that knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom transcends knowledge, encompasses it, beats on regardless of it. You may have knowledge to pass on, but knowledge is about comforts and it does not teach you how to live in right relation with the All, with the Universe, with the World. For those things, you need wisdom; to set the framework, to teach the way of the Good Red Road.

What will you teach? What will you leave behind? What kind of Ancestor will you be to those who come after unto seven generations? It is your choice."

Day 1: Spirit Writing

2008-11-21T10:44:00.000-08:00

"About Exile.

Acceptance; the will and willingness to allow others to be who they are, to be who they are with all the love, surprise, challenge and inspiration that comes with it. To exile one man is to exile them all. To say to one man, 'Your way is not good enough. You are not good enough,' is to exile your own soul, your own being. It is to deny your own truth and medicine.

For you are all part of the Scar Clan, and as such, you belong together. How can you heal the world if you chip away at the rock of your people, if you break away certain types or shapes or colors or financial standings or beliefs? How can you heal the world if you cannot find a way to hold everyone in your heart in right relation?

Begin with yourself; accept, love, believe in the person you are right now, as you are right now. Tomorrow you may change. Yesterday you were, for better or worse, different. Today is all you are. Love it. Love yourself so you may fully love others. Love yourself as I love you. And then, you will be home.

Exile no more."

First Year Circle Spiritwork

2008-11-21T10:38:00.000-08:00

Our spiritwork for the two weeks covering the Thanksgiving weekend is to write first thing in the morning. First, we are to list out five things for which we are grateful, then we are to do automatic writing for ten minutes.

In automatic writing (which I think is a misnomer), we "get out of the way" for spirit to flow through our pens onto the paper. We're the conduit, but spirit gets to write whatever is needed to be said.

Fourteen days of this writing, and gratitude. It should be interesting. I'll post what comes up, if it seems appropriate to do so.

Forgiveness

2008-11-20T16:35:00.000-08:00

If I have harmed anyone, in any way,
either knowingly or unknowingly
through my own confusions,
I ask forgiveness.

If anyone has harmed me, in any way,
either knowingly or unknowingly
through their own confusions,
I forgive them.

And if there is a situation
I am not yet ready to forgive,
I forgive myself for that.

For all the ways that I harm myself,
negate, doubt, belittle myself,
judge or be unkind to myself
through my own confusions,
I forgive myself.

~Buddhist Prayer

For Friendship

2008-11-20T16:21:00.000-08:00

This week my circle studied the Lovers archetype, the major arcana covering all relationships: collegial or professional, friendship, parent or child, partner or spouse, passionate.

This blessing was one of the teachings given to us.

For Friendship

May you be blessed with good friends,
And learn to be a good friend yourself,
Journeying to that place in your soul where
There is love, warmth and feeling.
May this change you.

May it transfigure what is negative, distant,
Or cold within your heart.

May you be brought into real passion, kindness,
And belonging.

May you treasure your friends.
may you be good to them, be there for them
And receive all the challenges, truth and light
you need.

May you never be isolated but know the embrace
of your anam cara.

~ from To Bless The Space Between Us, by John O'Donohue

What is Anam Cara?

According to Celtic spiritual tradition, the soul shines all around the body like a luminous cloud. When you are very open ~ appreciative and trusting ~ with another person, your two souls flow together. This deeply felt bond with another person means you have found your anam cara, or "Soul Friend." Your anam cara always beholds your light and beauty, and accepts you for who you truly are. In Celtic spirituality, the anam cara friendship awakens the fullness and mystery of your life. You are joined in an ancient and eternal union with humanity that cuts across all barriers of time, convention, philosophy, and definition. When you are blessed with an anam cara, the Irish believe, you have arrived at that most sacred place: ~HOME~

Ancestors and Angels

2008-11-14T14:23:00.000-08:00

it's been said that in Western civilization,
in the Western mind,
time is viewed as linear:
we're standing in the present
facing the future
with the past, and the ancestors
behind us

but in Indigenous spirituality,
in the Native mind,
time is like a river that flows in a circle
we walk in the footsteps of the ancestors who
have wandered the earth before us,
then journeyed on to other worlds.
we follow them
the ancestors are in front of us

I write words to catch up to the ancestors

I write words to catch up to the ancestors

an angel told me the only way to walk through
fire
without getting burned
is to become fire

some days angels whisper in my ear as I walk
down the street
and I fall in love with every person I meet
and I think, "maybe this could be a bliss
like when Dante met Beatrice"

other days all I see is my collusion with illusion
ghosts of projection
ghosts of projection
masquerading as the radiant angel of love

you know, I feel like the ancestors brought us together
I feel like
the ancestors brought us here and they expect
great things

they expect us to say what we think and
live how we feel and
follow the hard paths that bring us near to joy
they expect us to
nurture all the children

I write poems to welcome angels and conjure ancestors

I pray to the angels of politics and love
I pray for justice sake
I pray for justice sake
not to be relieved of my frustrations
at the same time burning sage and asking
ancestors for patience
I march with the people to the border between
nations where
everything stops
except the greed of corporations

thoughts like comets
thoughts like comets
calculating the complexity of the complicity

there's so much noise in the oceans now
the whales can barely hear each other
there's so much noise in the oceans
we're making the whales crazy
we're driving the dolphins insane

what kind of ancestors are we?
have we abandoned "the better angels of our nature"?
what kind of ancestors are we?

thoughts like comets leaving craters
in the landscape of my consciousness

I pray to ancestors and angels

meet me in the garden
meet me where spirit walks softly
in the cool of the evening

meet me in the garden
under the wings of the bird of many colors

meet me in the garden of your longing

every breath is a pilgrimage
every breath is a pilgrimage to you

I pray to be a conduit

angel told me:
the only way to walk through fire -
become fire

Drew Dellinger c2001

The Wheel Turns

2008-11-12T19:40:00.000-08:00

In April, I wrote that MV was winnowing her classes down to once a month, and that I didn't know what I'd do for my community spiritual practice after that ... if anything.

Fast forward to September.

I applied for a new job within my org (still haven't heard anything about if they're moving forward with the position), tended some medical matters that have been bugging me, and confided my lack of community spirit work to one of my friends who knew I was feeling at a loss over it.

CS is starting up her classes for the new year, he told me. And that was that. He talked to CS, she indicated where she wanted me to start, and I joined her first year Shamanism circle.

To say it has been awesome is an understatement. Truly, it has been a gift.

In some ways, I am along for the ride. I am trying to get out of the way, and be shown what Spirit has in store for me, without preconceived notions. I'm there to learn, to be a student. I'm learning how to support and serve, to give honor and to listen. Life is so busy, it is sometimes hard to listen.

It's not an entirely new way of life, but it is a more conscious one. I'm learning an entirely new set of habits, and older habits are being slowly released. In some cases, it's more than time they be let go.

It's good. It's very good.

Spirit does indeed act in its own time.

For more about Sundust Oracle Institute click HERE.

Fools Crow - Ceremonial Chief - Teton Sioux

2008-11-12T15:54:00.000-08:00

"We are called to become hollow bones for our people, and anyone else we can help. We are not supposed to seek power for our personal use and honor. What we bones really become is the pipeline that connects Wakan Tanka, the helpers and the community together. This tells us the direction our curing and healing work must follow, and establishes the kind of life we must live.We have to be strong and committed, otherwise we will get very little spiritual power and will probably give up the curing and healing work. The lessons we are taught by our human teachers, as Stirrup was for me, stressed that the traditional way of performing a ritual is more important than curing someone. Curing a single individual is only important in terms of what this teaches the entire community. This community must continue to know that Wakan Tanka, and the Helpers are always with it, and that it need no be afraid.

Seeing a person healed gives them this assurance, and it gives the community strength to carry on in the face of distress and disasters. So the Medicine Person sits at the center of every important thing that goes on in their community and nation, and when power is set in motion and distributed, it brings us more and even greater power. We emphasize that prevention is more important than treatment where the community and individuals are concerned. Getting ready in advance may not prevent our being hurt, but it keeps us from being destroyed. It is unfortunate, but our people have begun to forget this, and they are paying a tragic price for it. They get knocked down and they do not have the strength or the way to get up."

From Powerful People

Quote

2008-06-08T10:00:00.000-07:00

"A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for." ~ Grace Mercy Hooper

Wisdom

2008-06-07T08:11:00.000-07:00

Wise words are found in unlikely places ... and I loved this.

"She holds so tightly to the past that she keeps herself from peace. Roads are for journeys, not destinations, I told her. Perhaps one day, she will understand that." ~ 'The King' in Anna and the King

Wisdom

2008-06-06T19:58:00.000-07:00

I found this written down in an old journal ... one I never filled with writing, and one I haven't looked at in ages. It was told to me by an old friend I haven't seen for years.

"If there is anything you would regret not doing, consider that. Regret sucks."

Truth.

Back to Solitary.

2008-04-28T18:38:00.000-07:00

I received an email from MV today saying that she was going to cut back on our Journey Circle meets ... from 3-4 times a month on Sundays to one Sunday a month.

I read it, and just sighed.

In the way of things, I had just been speaking to JF about my desire to have a more regular schedule for teachings and journeys ... and I told him that I was going to ask MV if that was something she could accommodate. And it looks like the answer is 'No'.

This is, as you can imagine, something of a disappointment (she says with understatement). I feel as if I had just started something that was good and true and right and real, and now *poof* ... done. It may not be 'done' done, but she hasn't said which Sunday she's planning on holding it yet, and I'm getting the intuitive nudge that that will also be going away soon.

So now what?

Back to being Solitary? Maybe. What I have discovered is that while I do not enjoy 'church' per se, I enjoy gatherings. I enjoy them a great deal. Because of that, being a solitary again just is not appealing to me. I can and will continue with my spiritual life, of course, because that doesn't stop simply because you or your community moves on ... but it will lose a richness and diversity that I had come to enjoy greatly.

There are opportunities coming up for other groups, other classes, other communities ... some of which have ties to the one I have been a part of. So I will be looking into those to see if they will be a good fit.

I've discovered that I need a few things in my community worship/sharing/spirituality. I need it to be open and collaborative. I need it to be structured and honoring of everyone's time. I need it to be nurturing and expansive. I need it to be nonjudgmental.

Most of the above was to be found in this current group of wonderful women.

Definitely saddened.

I guess we'll see what spirit turns up. It always turns up something.

Time and Time and Time

2008-04-18T06:29:00.000-07:00

Things start. Things stop. It's the forward momentum which is difficult to maintain. The visible forward momentum, that is.

The stuff that goes on beneath the surface seems to go on regardless.

Before I went to Florida at the end of March, I had been writing my 3-pages, meditating on my Card of the Day, and had been putting time into spirit work. Those were the visible, tangible things. Then the vacation stopped most of that. And now that I have been back for three weeks, I haven't picked them back up again.

Instead, I've been thinking about how my beliefs are reflected in daily living. Pondering actually. Trying to figure out how to be in right relation to everyone and everything else. Trying to practice that. Trying to practice loving distance. Trying to practice not spreading my shit on to other people, or taking on theirs. Trying to keep a calm mind, and trying to practice compassion.

This last is courtesy of the visit of the Dalai Lama to Seattle. I had the pleasure of attending a talk he gave and it gelled in my mind many things I had been sussing out for years. As always, it's easy in concept ... hard in daily practice.

Even though the under the surface stuff is going strong, I find that I'm still missing the daily writing, and card, and meditations. They ground me. Give me focus. Color the day in something less than grey at the outset. It's just hard working them into a groggy morning, when I am distracted with lack of brains.

In other news, I have not yet been back to Sundance. Not for lack of wanting. Just for lack of time and someone to head down and give me ballast. I went with M. and J. the first time, and both of them have been involved in other things these last weeks. This is another one of the start and stop things. I don't know enough to know what to do next in that regard without M. there. And so, I do nothing. I'm really still as ignorant as I was before, and now I have time stealing away the little that I learned. Because there is knowing, and then there is knowing, and I feel as if the knowing is slipping away from lack of use. This is not M's fault. It is no one's fault, except mine for not knowing how to be more proactive.

To look at good things, positive things ... when I was in Florida, I saw two of my power animals in their native habitat. One was a black snake ... and I was delighted. Delighted. A few years ago, I would have shrieked and run away, my heart pounding in fear, tears running down my face. Instead, I kneeled down to watch it move slowly back to its sanctuary. It let me watch, and I respected its boundaries ... and we both had a bit of a moment together. I can't tell you how happy it made me to see it right there, as if it had been waiting for me. Maybe it had. There's a profound thing which happens when you realize you're no longer afraid of what once held the shape of terror. It's a shift in the paradigm.

Then we saw a pod of Atlantic dolphins come up the bay. They rolled and played and jumped and glided through the water like a breeze on silk. Bliss. I had longed to see the dolphins ... and there they were.

What does it mean? Perhaps nothing ... but it made me a happy camper, and it makes me more aware than ever of our interconnectedness. It reminded me of what Medicine they bring, what they remind me to have. It was good stuff.

As I said, not much of the woo-woo to write about these days, because it is hiding in all the daily stuff instead of coming out for special occasions. Maybe that's the way it should be. Practical woo-woo. Living with integrity in both worlds. A foot on each shore.

We Have Ceased Striving ...

2008-03-18T12:58:00.000-07:00

"In controversy, the instant we feel anger, we have ceased striving for the truth and have begun striving for ourselves."

This quote from Thomas Carlyle, a Victorian era essayist, has been something I keep coming back to ever since I ran across it a couple of years ago. I find it a very subtle comment, as I wonder if we are able to strive for truth AND ourselves at the same time, to be justifiably angry or as the old saying goes, "righteously angry."

This weekend, I was reading Medicine of the Cherokee, and Garrett wrote about an incident where he and an Elder were criticized, and he reacted with a good deal of heat himself. His Elder, rather than being glad for him jumping to her defense was unhappy. About it, he wrote:

"My teacher would not speak to me for over four days. When she spoke, her words were strong: 'You were chosen, not by yourself or by any human being, but by a power better than you and me. Don't listen to those who would criticize you or me for being in the Medicine. Live the truth of the Native American ancestors, and I will tell you, they would have forgiven the person. Instead, you gave your power away!'

[snip]

"It suddenly occurred to me that just because someone stands there and yells, this does not mean that I have to stand there and listen. I learned the lesson of acceptance."

For some reason, both of these things are interwoven in my head. I don't think we can strive for truth if we are also striving for ourselves, because something personal always gets in the way. Similarly, when we argue, we do, indeed give away our power, because we are allowing someone else's negativity to impact us, to belittle us.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I think that's a piece of it as well.

So this is what I'm noodling right now, and wondering how it ties into Spirit. Because I know it does, and I merely have to make the connections.

Secret Keeping

2008-03-16T14:31:00.001-07:00

In my mind, this didn't need to be said, as it's a 'given', but as it has come up over and over today, I think it needs to be said after all.

There are secrets and traditions that are not mine to tell. There are ceremonies and teachings that are not mine to tell. There are names and places that are not mine to tell. And until they are, they won't be written about here.

So, that is how it will be.

I realize that this means the blog will most often be very general, and that's good enough. I certainly may write about things specific to my own experience ... but I wish to be respectful of others, and what is taught to me.

Some stories are just not mine to tell. That's nothing new.

Please also remember that the fingers typing this blog are attached to an ignorant person. While I won't ever misrepresent something on purpose ... it's easy to do when you can only see a small piece of something but not the whole. It's like the blind man who could only feel the elephant's trunk, and thought the creature was a snake. This is part of the learning process. So ... if you notice me writing something which you feel is incorrectly cited, feel free to tell me so. But kindly.

I guess I had more to say about all this than I thought. I guess it really did need to be 'said'.

The Family

2008-03-16T11:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was spent down outside of Montesano, which is about a two hour drive from Seattle, to "go to Sundance." I knew I was ignorant about Sundance heading down there, but during the week, I had decided that being ignorant and open was an okay state to be in. It's where learning takes place. And so ... I decided to go down and see what I could see.

Sundance is a prayer.

Sundance is a gathering place.

Sundance is the land, and sky, and everything between.

Sundance is a family, collected and sanguine.

Sundance is, as far as I can tell, a way of life. A path. The Lakota path. And in this family, it has a bit of Ojibwa in its tradition as well.

M., the leader of my Journey Circle group has wanted me to come down since January, and I've begged off those first two months. I've known about Sundance for a couple of years, as the brother of my Heart, J., is a part of the family, so I've heard vague stories about it for that long. So he weighed in on Tuesday and asked if I was going. After taking a good, hard look at why I've been avoiding, I finally said, Yes.

So we went. J., M. and myself.

Um. Wow.

To say that I am still a little bit overwhelmed would be true. To say I am still a lot bemused would be true. To say that I am honored is also completely true. M. admitted she threw me in without any preparation, and didn't even realize she had done it like that until we arrived and I didn't know what we were doing. But, as I seemed to be swimming all right, she decided that Spirit was leading me along and it was all good.

I guess people don't just bring their friends along to Sundance. So me coming down with J. and M. was ... unprecedented. The fact that they were bringing me down as the newest Family member (unbeknown to me) is even more so. The fact that the Family decided that I was welcome into their group was ... wow. I feel incredibly honored. Humbly honored.

So there I was.

I worked with the others and prayed with the others, and was given some of the teachings behind the Chenupas, and the Sundance itself. One of the Firetenders and I talked about a woman's role in the the Lakota tradition ... and that was interesting. As she's a woman herself AND a Firetender (traditionally a man's role, I was told), she had some interesting perspectives. Basically, I did whatever everyone else did (though I didn't smoke the Chenupas -- wrong time of the month, and I didn't want to disrespect them by smoking when I didn't know what I was doing), nor did I sit in Lodge (for the same reasons).

So ... now it comes down to sitting with this new thing which has suddenly dropped into my lap. Sundance is a commitment. It's a Path. It's a Family, and either you attend and be with the Family, or you don't. No one is forcing you to do anything, and they'd be the first to say Do what Spirit shows you. I'm pretty sure I know where Spirit is in all of this ... I just have to figure out how to make it work with Earthly matters.

Oy. And here I thought I was downsizing the commitments in my life.

This may be the last time the Sundance is done here ... Which means, this is the year for me to participate, if I want these teachings to become part of my life. It's that simple. And it means that it would be a sacrifice for me as well. Sacrifice for beliefs isn't something we do well anymore. But maybe I'll leave that discussion for another post.

For now, I have a few weeks to sit with the idea of becoming a part of Sundance, or letting it go. And I really do have to pray on it -- it's not a no-brainer either way. While it's not quite like joining a new Church (no one is telling me what to think, for example, or what to believe), the choosing enter into this new Relationship should be done with eyes wide open, or a willingness to let things be as they are without the fall back of later complaints. This is not to say "don't question," as everyone there would be the first to say. It just means, that this is a deliberate choice, and I want to make it respectfully.

Big day yesterday. I had no idea it would be. No idea at all.

Spirit works in interesting ways.

First Steps

2008-03-14T19:09:00.000-07:00

I don't know what I would be if I were a hollow bone, if Spirit (or God, or Deity -- however you envision it) was allowed to move through me without impediment or ego getting in the way, if it was able to sing using my voice, dance using my limbs, tell truths using my words. I don't know what the shape of that would be like.

Because I'm no where near that.

I hang out with some folks who are pretty woo-woo. Big time Shamans in the area, powerful Shamans, so loaded with Spirit you have to tie yourself back to the ground just to walk after being with them. I have friends who have been on Hanblecheyapi (a vision quest, literally "crying for a vision"), one of the main Lakota rituals. They are good people. They do good works, they hold good intent, they strive to walk in truth and beauty. Amazingly good people. My versions of everyday Saints. Wisdom-Keepers, Oracles, Truth-Keepers, Healers. Normal people, wonderful people.

I'm blessed to have them in my life.

And now, Spirit has said, "Girl. Your turn. Step it up a notch." Because sometimes that's how Spirit talks. And when Spirit talks, you can either ignore it (which doesn't seem like it works all that well), or you can pony up to the bar and lay your life down.

For me? I'm in the long movement between approaching the bar, and laying it all down. At this point, I'm only learning what it might mean to be a hollow bone. That's all. Learning.

Because I'm a cynic. I question. I want to know Why? dammit! And learning, I have discovered, is not mutually exclusive to Faith. Who knew? So this is why I'm here. To write it down, to parse the experience, to see if it evolves into me becoming more spirit filled.

It's an experiment, but not really. Mostly, it's just walking a halting path, and seeing where my feet fall.

Here goes nothing ...